My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
