My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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