there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
