Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
