dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
