I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize