Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
