mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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