Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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