i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
