I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
