my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
