who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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