I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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