get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
