Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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