saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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