It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
