mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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