I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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