My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
