1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
