ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
