We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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