They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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