I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize