i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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