with your own penis?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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