i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
high people should be assigned attendants
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
