Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
