My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
