where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
