worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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