I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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