he wants to bone in the snuggie
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
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Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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