My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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