My first STD was from a foam party
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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