I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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