3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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