I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
