im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
