it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i love accidental penises.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
