somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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