what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
