I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
