your room smells of hookers.
And success
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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