I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There r osticjed everywhere
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
