So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
