I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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