if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
