running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
