He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
