Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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