Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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