I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
