it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
