Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
