Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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