4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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