people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
