Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
