I've blown a few things in my day
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
