he wants to bone in the snuggie
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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