There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My ATM looks so different sober.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
