Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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