every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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