Please, let me fuck your mom
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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