why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
