the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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