i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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