Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i drank out of a bidet.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
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I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The ass gains better be worth it
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