Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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