smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
