i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
