we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
