Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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