perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
