my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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