the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Enjoy the penises
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
