"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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