i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
